A conversation with Stephen Kelly and Dan Chandler of Sands United Basingstoke

We recently chatted to Stephen Kelly and Dan Chandler of SANDS United to find out more about the club and how it can help men affected by baby loss.

Can you tell us how and when the club was formed?

Stephen: After the loss of our daughter Amelia, I was introduced to SANDS United Salisbury in 2020. I remained with SANDS United Salisbury for two years before the cost of travel was becoming difficult and so I made the decision to start a SANDS United in my local area of Basingstoke. The club was first registered on 18 November 2022, our first ever training session took place 1 March 2023 with an impressive 14 in attendance. It has grown beyond our wildest expectations.

Do you offer different types of involvement, such as playing, volunteering, or supporting?

Dan: Our club is primarily a safe space for men who have been affected by baby loss, this could be someone who has been affected directly (a father) or indirectly (a brother, uncle or grandfather). Everyone who joins will have the opportunity to play, regardless of age, ability or fitness. Everyone has the chance to represent their little lost one.

Stephen: We have not yet ventured into looking at volunteers outside of the team (the players or their families), however as we grow it is something in consideration.

How do people get involved/join?

Stephen: If you have been affected by baby loss, there are a couple of routes that can be followed - officially contact us via the Sands United Website, where you can opt to “show interest” in joining a team.

Dan: If you would prefer to just have a chat first (as I did) then you can contact the team on our social media accounts (which only a few team members have access to) or you can email us at SandsUnitedBasingstoke@sandsvolunteer.org.uk or Stephen directly at stephen.kelly@sandsvolunteer.org.uk

What kind of events, matches, or meet ups does the club organise? Is there support emotionally and socially beyond football?

Stephen: We meet for training every week throughout the year. We try and organise at least one friendly fixture a month, currently on a running streak of two matches a month. We also try and arrange extra activities outside of football to allow the lads a chance to talk away from the pitch and build on the relationships being found with each other.

Support wise we have a specific WhatsApp group which is away from the general chat, and this is for the Dads only, so if they need a space to speak openly without judgement the lads will always rally around to provide some support the best they can. If further support is required, SANDS do provide a helpline and other resources that we can signpost if required.

We also hold “End of Season” awards like any other football team, where the lads and their partners can come along. Dan and Sándor actually did all of the cooking at our last awards evening.

Dan: Training is a different place for each person. For some it’s a time to improve their football and their fitness, for others it’s a kick about and for the rest it is just a place to feel connected with other men who understand. Stephen set the precedent of support first, football second and every member who has joined the team has embraced that mentality which means that men who have never played football before can still feel welcome.

We had our first public event in September 2024 where we set up a little stand at the Fire Station Open Day. The reaction was mixed… some people were clearly uncomfortable with the topic and quickly moved on and some were positive. We actually gained a new member who hadn’t heard of us and had sadly suffered two losses through COVID.

We’ve also had some fairly big events recently. First was CarFest which was incredible… we had so many poignant conversations with people, told our own stories and listened to others heart breaks too. Most recently we held our first family event for Baby Loss Awareness Week to raise funds for The Forget Me Not Fund which supports so many families through baby loss. It was a great turn out and due to our growing numbers, alongside a first in house friendly of Orange vs Blue, we also had our first ladies game and we were ultimately able to help raise money for the hospital charity.

Can you share anything that members have said about how the club has helped?

Stephen: A lot of the common comments I receive from the lads is that football has given them a second wind in life - a silver lining on the darkest of clouds, a means to meet new people who have been through a similar journey of loss, a way to connect with their angel that they have lost and be able to represent them in a positive way. More importantly, for many of the lads, it gives them a chance to talk about their baby, although they may no longer with us, it doesn't mean they don't exist and many lads talk about their lost angel as if they were still with them physically, and rightly so. There is a feeling of gratitude and appreciation to the team for being what it is, the welcoming and warm culture that has been built by all those involved.

Dan: I actually stated myself that this team was “the greatest silver lining, from the most painful experience of my life” and not coming from the area or having many friends around, I’ve gone on to make lifelong friends. Some players are vocal, some are not… however what is clear is that there is a great amount of love amongst the players - for each other and for the team. A member may have a prolonged absence from the team and come back without any awkwardness. We have a member who moved back to Darlington and anytime he comes back to visit his wife’s family, he comes along to a training session.

Congratulations on your recent “Place to Be Proud Of” award! What does this recognition mean to the club?

Stephen: The Place to be Proud of Award was an unexpected but incredible feeling. This team was never built to receive awards or recognition, it was built to support men affected by baby loss and to spread awareness to the terrible statistics around baby loss and how common it is. Often those who have not experienced baby loss struggle to talk about it or to engage in conversation about it due to the uncomfortable nature of the conversation. Those who have experienced it often shy away from raising their voices as they worry the listening person will feel awkward. Winning means the world to me and the club as it helps us know that we are being seen and recognised. We are not alone and the community we are building is being talked about and hopefully reaching more people affected by baby loss.

Dan: The night was simply magnificent. Sándor, Andrew and myself accompanied Stephen to the event and within minutes of sitting at our table we were asked by the rugby and hockey clubs (who we were sat with) to introduce ourselves. Both were incredibly receptive and immediately started talking about how they would love to help raise our profile and offering multiple options for support (which was incredible). None of us expected to win either of the awards we were nominated for, especially sat listening to these amazing stories from amazing people… however a few moments before they announced we’d won, I turned to Steve and asked him if he knew what he would say if we won, to which he flatly responded “but we’re not going to win” and I simply said “but what if we do?” and next we know they announced us as winners.

When we got up on that stage and it was read out what we were about, there was a collective intake of breath from the audience and you felt the love and sadness flow in the room. It took a great deal of strength not to cry and I know the other two lads felt the same as we stood behind Steve. After all the winners had been announced, we had multiple people come to us and open up on their own baby loss experiences and tell us how wonderful the team was and how much we deserved to win. The award is currently on my own shelf at home with my other awards I’ve received from the End of Season awards, Steve very much wanted people to have the option of having the award at home as he was adamant it belonged to the team.

What does the future hold for SANDS United? 

Dan: We are currently working towards a major challenge of completing the 24h 3 Peaks Challenge in September 2026 with the aim of raising £25,000 for SANDS. The are 18 team members (including Steve and myself) signed up to complete the challenge, part of our plan is to take three baby carriers with us and have weighted teddies made with the combined weight of all the angels connected to the team. To raise this money we will need to organise different fundraising events over the next year to reach this goal, we will need the help of the players, their friends and families and the local community itself.

Stephen: I aim to have a game of any respect at a major football stadium (Reading, Southampton, Portsmouth etc) as this would be a dream come true for many of our lads! We are aiming for a large spring/summer fun day for the Basingstoke community. Within the club, I hope the environment will continue as it is and build on the trust and relationships that are being developed within the team and to do more activities outside of football.

Our thanks to Dan and Stephen for talking to us. 

November 2025